Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I'll dive in that dumpster if I have to

Just because my boss is a jerk and went back on his word, does not mean I'm giving up on my dream to have a Naugahyde curtain. His decision is a minor set back. My next plan of action was put in motion when I put this in the old store today.

Dear New Tenant of 412 FR,

Welcome to your new home in the FR shopping plaza. I hope you are finding everything to your liking and although, at the time of writing this letter, I’m unsure what kind of business this is, I’m still very excited to have a new store here in FR. Every filled store front helps.
As your new neighbor I would like to ask you for a rather large favor. I know this seems a bit rude since you don’t know me but I assure you that I would be forever grateful for your help.
I have worked at the Shoe Store , formerly of 412 FR for several years. There was a point during my employment that I would definitely have regarded this job as the best that I’ve ever had. It was also a time of great fun and friendship, resulting in some of the most significant relationships of my life.
This period was so amazing that my friend and I are writing a book about it. For legal reasons I must insist that it is fiction that is very loosely based on real events and persons.
You’ll have already noticed that your new store home is decorated with lovely green Naugahyde curtains. Although it may seem odd, those curtains are what inspired the title for our novel. I’m not sure what theme you are planning for your new d├ęcor but I would be surprised to find that you are keeping those hanging strips of fake leather. If you are not in fact keeping them, I would greatly appreciate it if I would be privileged to take them off your hands.
I’m not sure if I am still employed at the Shoe Store, now 428 FR, since I’m not sure when you are reading this. If it turns out that I am no longer employed there, they will know how to get a hold of me (Providing they’re still in business. Just to be safe I’ll leave my contact info below.) All I ask is that you take the few minutes to call me before tossing them into the garbage bin. I love them enough that I would dumpster dive for them but it would save me a lot of nose plugs and hand sanitizer if you would allow me to pick them up.
If, for some reason, you see past the stereotypical rules of interior fashion and manage to realize the curtains true beauty, then I cannot hold it against you if you chose to keep them. I will be slightly disappointed but happy they are remaining in a loving home. Hopefully, they will bring joy to your store as well.
That is the favor I ask of you, please contact me if you no longer want the curtains. I would have taken them when we moved but the landlord insisted the store remain in “as is” condition. If you do decide to keep them I will stop by to check on them often, if possible. Maybe my novel writing friend and I can even stop by for a few pictures. Either way, we’ll be sure to send you an autographed copy of our book, Behind the Naugahyde.

Sincerely ,
Shoe Store Manager and Aspiring Novelist
(Hopefully by the time you receive this it will be “Former Shoe
Store Manager and Published Novelist!")


whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Good luck. I hope you get the curtains.

Ashley said...

Thanks Whim! Me too!

jenni said...