Friday, June 17, 2011

Back to normal?

Well, life is settling down it seems. The thank you notes are out. We've gotten our pictures back and I almost have the entire table cleared of wedding presents/stuff. And now I come home and try to remember what it was that use to keep me busy before I was crazy making lists, planning details, tying bows, taking counts, contacting vendors. And I remember things like writing stories and selling books. I'm trying to get back in the habit of that.

Our writing group met for the first time since March. We kept postponing, mostly due to me having a million things to do every Sunday. But we finally met. For a while I thought we might be at our end. And if was good to talk about something other than the wedding for a change.

So life gets back to normal, kind of. There is still that huge absence around and that will never get back to normal. Everytime I walk up the stairs I move to one side and wait to hear Kreeg speeding past me, but he doesn't. Every morning I get up and think that I will see him sitting in the sun light that is streaming through the window but he isn't there. I rub Gretchen's ears, waiting for her to moo like a cow like Kreeg use to, but she doesn't. I look outside thinking he will be there laying in a hole he just dug, enjoying the cool dirt on his stomach, tongue hanging out, occasionally glancing up at the sky, trying to figure out where the breeze is coming from. I walk upstairs every night, thinking that I will have to spend ten minutes trying to get him off the bed but the bed is empty.
Ed and I go for walks and it just feels weird because only one of us has a leash to hold. I have no idea what to do with my hands. We walk by the lawn with the high grass and we pause but Kreeg is not there to stop, drop and roll around in the grass.
I sit down at my desk to write and I look next to me. He is not by my side. My heart hurts.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Love, loss and life.

Three months! Yikes! Well, a lot has happened in 3 months. Actually, a lot has happened in 2 weeks.
First, I got married! The wedding was absolutely amazing! I had such a great time getting to see all the people that I love and share such a joyous occasion. It was wonderful. My only regret was that it flew by. People kept telling me it would go by so fast and they were not lying. Months of work and it was over in a flash. But the end result is what matters. I am married to amazing guy and we are really happy!

Right after the wedding we went on a honeymoon to northern Michigan. We stayed in St. Ignace and spent time at Tahquemanon Falls and Mackinac Island. It was a great trip and definitely a great way to unwind after all the stress of planning the wedding.

When we got home the happiness was put on hold. Kreeg, our beloved dog and best friend, had been diagnosed with cancer about three months before and had finally taken a turn for the worst. He couldn't stand. He wasn't eating. His body was shutting down. So on our 1 week wedding anniversary we put our little guy to sleep.
We live in the city so we drove him out to my husband's parent's house, which is where we were married the week before. And we buried him not far from where we had said our vows.
When we first found out about the cancer they didn't think he had more than a couple of weeks, but he lasted a lot longer, and we were really grateful for that. Did he wait for the wedding and for us to come back from the honeymoon? Some may think it was only coincidence, but I think differently. It was just the awesome dog that he was.

And now we are back to the everyday events of life. We are still trying to catch up on all the cleaning and laundry that has been put off for the last few weeks. And there are thank yous to be done. Things have started settling down and I hope they stay that way. At least for a little while.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Change of plans

2 months since I posted. Wow, I've really fallen off the wagon. I was at my doctor's office a few days ago and she was talking to me about how around every 29 years or so are life changes. It doesn't just happen over night, it takes years but we develop into a new person. And it seems true because right now I am developing my life into something new.
I have been making a lot of plans for my future and writing is still in them. I keep putting writing on the back burner but I know in my heart that is not where it needs to be. Things do not happen according to plan and I can't keep thinking that I can put things off. There is no day but today.
I had been so focused on my making the perfect plans for my wedding, my finances, for buying a house and for starting a family, that I completely lost sight of everything I have right now.
And yesterday my perfect plans were thrown out the door. Kreeg,my beloved dog/best friend/son, may not be around to be our ring bearer, he will most likely not be around to enjoy the back yard when we buy a house and he will not be around to play with our children.
Now I feel like I need to write something really amazing, because it will be the last thing I write with Kreeg lying at my feet while I write it.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Books read in 2010

American Gods-Neil Gaiman
Tuesdays With Morrie-Mitch Albom
A Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genius-Brian Eggers
Wicked Lovely-Melissa Marr
Heat Wave-Ricahrd Castle
Queen of the Damned-Anne Rice
Ink Exchange-Melissa Mar
Fragile Eternity-Melissa Mar
The Five People You Meet In Heaven-Mitch Albom
Dune- Frank Hurbert
Nineteen Minutes-Jodi Piccoult
The Blind Side-Michael Lewis
Chances-Jim Butcher
In Cold Blood-Truman Capote
The Wizard Of Oz-L. Frank Baum
Firestarter- Stephen King
The Road-Cormac McCarthy
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings-Maya Angelou
The Shining-Stephen King
French Women Don't Get Fat-Mireille Guialiano
One On One-Tabitha King
All The Pretty Horses-Cormac McCarthy
Budget Wedding For Dummies-Meg Schneider
Bridal Boot Camp- Cynthia Conde
Mean Streats-Various Authors
The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights-John Steinbeck
Total Money Makeover-Dave Ramsey
Naked Heat-Richard Castle
Lost Symbol- Dan Brown
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows-J.K. Rowling
To Kill A Mockingbird-Harper Lee


If everything goes according to plan 2011 should be an awesome year. I will be getting married and I will be getting a story published in CONCEIT MAGAZINE.

I've been thinking a lot about my future and what I hope for. I won't make any promises or resolutions this year. I do hope to write more and to blog more.
I know the blogging universe is slowly fading. There aren't many people still reading and writing in the blogverse but I still like to blog even if it's just for myself. I haven't kept up on it lately because this blog is about my writing and I haven't written much in a while.

Also, I felt like last year my writing group met less and I had less communication with fellow writers I had worked and talked with. But again, I didn't do much writing so it's just as much my fault as anyone's.

I guess I will see how 2011 goes.