Back to normal?

Well, life is settling down it seems. The thank you notes are out. We've gotten our pictures back and I almost have the entire table cleared of wedding presents/stuff. And now I come home and try to remember what it was that use to keep me busy before I was crazy making lists, planning details, tying bows, taking counts, contacting vendors. And I remember things like writing stories and selling books. I'm trying to get back in the habit of that.

Our writing group met for the first time since March. We kept postponing, mostly due to me having a million things to do every Sunday. But we finally met. For a while I thought we might be at our end. And if was good to talk about something other than the wedding for a change.

So life gets back to normal, kind of. There is still that huge absence around and that will never get back to normal. Everytime I walk up the stairs I move to one side and wait to hear Kreeg speeding past me, but he doesn't. Every morning I get up and think that I will see him sitting in the sun light that is streaming through the window but he isn't there. I rub Gretchen's ears, waiting for her to moo like a cow like Kreeg use to, but she doesn't. I look outside thinking he will be there laying in a hole he just dug, enjoying the cool dirt on his stomach, tongue hanging out, occasionally glancing up at the sky, trying to figure out where the breeze is coming from. I walk upstairs every night, thinking that I will have to spend ten minutes trying to get him off the bed but the bed is empty.
Ed and I go for walks and it just feels weird because only one of us has a leash to hold. I have no idea what to do with my hands. We walk by the lawn with the high grass and we pause but Kreeg is not there to stop, drop and roll around in the grass.
I sit down at my desk to write and I look next to me. He is not by my side. My heart hurts.