Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Since last year...

Sometimes, especially when I haven't written in a long time, I like to reflect back on my other posts. Some feel like just filler, others really mean something to me. Here's a post from last year, reflecting on what I had or hadn't accomplished in life. Since then not much has changed as far as accomplishments go. I've had some losses in the last year but I've also gained. Right now I feel like I'm breaking even.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned once or twice that my senior year of high school I took advance composition. As a writer, aspiring to be published, one would assume that I loved this class above all others and put every bit of effort into it. That would be not so accurate.I did love the class, but it was a lot of work and at the time I thought I had better things to do with my last hour of the school day. I failed the class, but I didn't need it to graduate so oh well. Not really. I failed a few classes in high school, for instance algebra, physics, geometry, all mostly for a lack of attendance. I thought living was more import than learning and when it comes to those classes, for the most part, I have no regrets. Failing advance comp was the only time I really felt bad about failing. The teacher was an odd guy, not your usual teacher, but a great teacher. He wanted to make sure we could write a solid essay before we took off for college, he wanted to make sure we read good literature that wasn't the main stream stuff we we're use to and he pushed us to be creative. I think I've mentioned a play that I wrote for his class.Anyway, he actually wanted us to learn something. Even though I failed, I still learned a lot. I even keep the journal that we had to write in every week filled with the positive comments that he wrote about my work, about my writing. And I kick myself for not finishing that class.What brought all of this to mind was when he walked into the shoe store today and even though I should have taken it as the chance to apologize for giving up, and told him that I regretted not finishing and that he was still a really good teacher that taught me something regardless of my grade. That's not what I did though, I hid. I hid because I didn't want him to see me selling shoes. It's been nearly seven years since I graduated and I had nothing to say but I sell shoes. And I couldn't face it.I felt like a huge let down to everyone, including myself. And I know I'm the one to blame for what my life is. I need to work harder so if there's ever a next time I will have something worth saying.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Starting again

Thank you to everyone for all their kindness these last months. I know I haven't been a very good blog friend lately but it's nice to know that a few of you are still with me.

I thought I'd give a little update on things in my life that I haven't posted about the last few months.
First off, I had another computer melt down. My computer stopped working. I'm working on getting it repaired and working on a borrowed computer right now. We'll see how that works out.
Last week I met with writing group. We usually meet the first Sunday of the month but I had to postpone due to everything going and my group members were awesome enough to reschedule. I have been taking parts of my short story, Worth Something, which is my story about the value of money and what it means to different people.
Jenni and I went to see RENT again. She got me tickets for Christmas and it was a nice chance to get away from the chaos. I got to see Jenni and my favorite musical. It's a great message of measuring your life in love and living like every moment is your last. It was what I needed.
Work has been madness. I'm really unhappy there. Combine that with a recent viewing of RENT and I can say that all I've wanted to do is quit my job and write. I haven't yet but I am looking into options. I'm not sure how much longer my employment will last, whether it's by my choice or someone else's.
That's about it. I've listed some books, watched some movies, read some books, even wrote some stuff (most of it journal entries). So I have a lot to post about. And I will. If I ever want to get out of this mess and doing what makes me happy, I have to start working hard.

Monday, March 02, 2009

It's been over a month since I posted. And the last thing I posted was that my dog, Darlington, passed away. Two days later my grandmother went into the hospital for the third time in two months. After three weeks there was nothing more they could do for her. Last week I said goodbye to the woman that raised me, and my best friend.
It's hard not seeing her or talking to her everyday. There have been a lot of good things and bad things in my life lately. I'd give anything to talk to her about it. She always seemed to know the right thing to do.
So I'm a little lost right now. I can't really promise that I'll try to write more now that I'm not spending all my spare time in the hospital. But I am here and thank you to all of you who have been sticking with me.