Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Decision 2016

Ten years ago if you had asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I would have told you I would be a writer. Five years ago, I would have told you I wanted to be a mom and do whatever job got me the most time to spend with my kids. Five years ago, dream one got lost in my search for dream two and four months ago dream two crashed to the floor and shattered.

No dreams, no husband, no kids, no mom.

So what happens in a year when your mom dies and you get divorced? You grasp for anything to keep you afloat. For me, I threw my life into my work at the animal shelter.

It was an easy thing to do. I already spent my 40 hours a week there, plus extra board and committee meetings, volunteering at fundraisers, answering emails, working on projects, monitoring the facebook page and answering random people's questions. Without family and a spouse to say "hey pay attention to the people you love" it was even easier to fall into work. Not to mention we had a campaign going to get a millage for a new shelter. When I added it all up I was in deep. The shelter was my work, my free time, my friends, my dogs. It all comes back to the shelter.

It's great to have that to get you away from the loneliness but you wonder what happens one day when it's gone and it was all you had. Or when you look up ten years from now and realize you are in the exact same spot you were because you never did anything new, never had new challenge, never met new people? And the shelter is an emotionally and mentally draining place. What happens when you give it all have and end up with nothing left?

So along came a job offer and two weeks for me to toss and turn. During decision 2016 I was watching Daredevil on Netfilx and I started to think about that classic problem that every super hero has, that time when they have to chose between being an every day person and being a hero. They want the normal life but it's hard to walk away when so many people (or animals) depend on you. You ask yourself if you won't do it who will? And will they be able to do it as well as you? And how can you walk away now when there's still lives to save? But if you do stay you know that it will wear you out and tear you down.

And after all those comic books and super hero movies I finally get it.

At the end of September I will move on from the most profound job I have ever had. It has impacted my life in more ways than I would have thought. It's a job I thought I would never leave but one I know I have to should leave for my own sake.

Maybe I can take the time to figure out where I want to be ten years from now.

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