PR Team

It's crunch time. Last week of Media Research and Writing. Time to finish my last blog post, finish the last assignments and hopefully make up for the presentation that I missed. The classes go by so quick, which is nice but also crams a lot of work into a small space.

One thing that I really enjoyed and appreciated about this class is the interaction with the other students. The size of this class has been small and that has been kind of cool. It's felt like one big group project. We did have one group assignment but spent a lot of time in discussion groups and presenting to one another, which has built a team feeling.

It's been fun!

Life Balance

We had a great assignment where we were making and presenting deliverables for a non-profit after reviewing strengths and weaknesses of their annual report. I chose Humane Society of the United States. I feel familiar with the organization but still have a lot to learn.

One of the common themes of my deliverables and the weakness I found in their report is that they do such a vast array of things, but most people don't know that. I didn't even know that after working in animal welfare for many years.

The project was great. I learned a lot about the organization and how to promote it. I didn't get the change to present with everyone else due to work. One day I will find a life balance.

Public Relations

It's been a minute since I've used this thing! I've been busy with work, school, fundraising, dog mom stuff.

One of those things I mentioned is school. I'm getting my Bachelor's degree in Public Relations at Franklin University. Thought I'd be graduating this summer but do to course availability turns out it will be fall of 2018.

Anyway, one of my classes, Media Research and Writing, has an assignment where we are supposed to blog about the class so this is a fun way to get back to my blog.

I'm really excited about this blog project. I love when school projects intersect with other things in our lives. Writing a blog used to be a huge part of my life and school still is a huge part of my life so I like the challenge of getting back to blogging, at least for a few posts.

It's kind of cool how we get more from our classes than just knowledge. We get gateways to other things.

Decision 2016

Ten years ago if you had asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I would have told you I would be a writer. Five years ago, I would have told you I wanted to be a mom and do whatever job got me the most time to spend with my kids. Five years ago, dream one got lost in my search for dream two and four months ago dream two crashed to the floor and shattered.

No dreams, no husband, no kids, no mom.

So what happens in a year when your mom dies and you get divorced? You grasp for anything to keep you afloat. For me, I threw my life into my work at the animal shelter.

It was an easy thing to do. I already spent my 40 hours a week there, plus extra board and committee meetings, volunteering at fundraisers, answering emails, working on projects, monitoring the facebook page and answering random people's questions. Without family and a spouse to say "hey pay attention to the people you love" it was even easier to fall into work. Not to mention we had a campaign going to get a millage for a new shelter. When I added it all up I was in deep. The shelter was my work, my free time, my friends, my dogs. It all comes back to the shelter.

It's great to have that to get you away from the loneliness but you wonder what happens one day when it's gone and it was all you had. Or when you look up ten years from now and realize you are in the exact same spot you were because you never did anything new, never had new challenge, never met new people? And the shelter is an emotionally and mentally draining place. What happens when you give it all have and end up with nothing left?

So along came a job offer and two weeks for me to toss and turn. During decision 2016 I was watching Daredevil on Netfilx and I started to think about that classic problem that every super hero has, that time when they have to chose between being an every day person and being a hero. They want the normal life but it's hard to walk away when so many people (or animals) depend on you. You ask yourself if you won't do it who will? And will they be able to do it as well as you? And how can you walk away now when there's still lives to save? But if you do stay you know that it will wear you out and tear you down.

And after all those comic books and super hero movies I finally get it.

At the end of September I will move on from the most profound job I have ever had. It has impacted my life in more ways than I would have thought. It's a job I thought I would never leave but one I know I have to should leave for my own sake.

Maybe I can take the time to figure out where I want to be ten years from now.

Don't Stop Believing! (And Snapchat confuses me).

I was supposed to go to a funeral yesterday. I didn’t end up going and while I feel bad I didn’t go, I just couldn’t. I woke up yesterday morning with this dread. Not because of the thunderstorms, which I actually find calming, but because I felt alone.

This would have been my fifth funeral this year. The first three were all within two weeks of each other when I lost my father-in-law, my aunt and my mom. The fourth was for one of my best volunteers. And while yesterday’s funeral was someone I wasn’t all that close to, I knew it would be everyone asking me how I’m doing because my mom died and I just got divorced. I just didn’t want to be there.

As if I wasn’t down enough, it was my ex-husband’s birthday. I thought about all those trips I would plan for his birthday and how he never once did anything for mine other than a cheap gift. He was camping yesterday and I couldn’t help but hope that the storm blew his tent away. I don’t know if it did. But the thought of him chasing down his tent during a thunderstorm makes me laugh so I’ll take it.

And I didn’t want to clean out the spare room. I know I needed to so my roommate could move in today but that was supposed to be my baby’s room. Finding giraffe decorations and wedding pics that I had tossed in there was breaking my heart so I just kept stopping every time I started.

I didn’t really want to get out of bed yesterday when I kept thinking about the loss, the years wasted, the regrets.

Then I remembered my Friday night where one friend convinced me to go running in horrible heat. We pushed through, met our goal and I felt like I could do anything. And how another friend drove me around looking for Pokemon until my battery died. And how on Saturday I went out with my co-workers for one of their birthdays and without getting drunk I had a blast. I watched my shy sister try to hook our friend up with every guy she could find, sang along to country music with my skull and Star Wars tattooed friend, rapped some Usher and Ludacris karaoke with the birthday girl and then we got on the dance floor and danced like crazy until the bar closed.

Oh and I accidentally butt-dialed another friend while dancing and she was ready to send a search party out for me! 

So why am I sad? Why do I feel alone when I am surrounded by so many amazing people who would do anything for me and who push me to be my best self?

And then I didn’t feel alone. I got up and I moved forward. I spent the day with my sister, I got new running shoes and I finished cleaning the spare room.

FYI there was video of the karaoke on Snapchat but I have no idea where things go on Snapchat once their time is up. Where are you video?! I’m old and I don’t understand Snapchat!!!

Fire

When I was twelve years old my middle school started offering Japanese as a foreign language. Interested in things like manga and a super fan of Nintendo, I made the jump after one year of Spanish. I would study it for the next six years. My first year we learned lots of basic kanji and four of those would be the elements; fire, water, earth and air.

I’m not sure what it was about the kanji for fire but I was drawn to it. My sister loved astrology so I knew I was an Aries and a fire sign. When we learned the elements symbols we talked about how the Japanese call it “hi” when it’s just talking about fire but when talking about what the element represents; force, energy, moving; they call it “ka”.

And ka became my favorite kanji. When we had brush calligraphy day, that’s was always my kanji. Nothing else would do. And at the age of 15 I put a quarter into a machine that dispersed cheap jewelry. A string necklace came out with a charm, the kanji for fire. I wore that necklace every day for years until the charm broke. I declared that it was meant to be and the minute I turned 18 this would be tattooed on me.  

But when I turned 18 I worked in a bar and this was the time that all the party girls thought kanji were “totally awesome” and came in with kanji tattooed on their lower backs. Half the time I’m not even sure that they knew what they had written on them. And I didn’t want to be another girl with a kanji and people laughing because they think that I think it means “love” when it really means “fart”.

So I waited a very long time and forgot about me and the things I wanted. Until last week when I decided I was going to start doing the things that I wanted, not just try to make everyone else happy. And I figured what better than a reminder that I am capable of being forceful, of moving and not standing still. I have passion and ambition that will drive me forward. That my energy and spirit won’t let me be stopped. Fire.

I Find My Lack of DVDs Disturbing

I want to be a person who doesn’t make horrible decisions when reminded of the immense loss that I have faced this year. I want to make good decisions about my life, my finances and my health. And I’ve been doing well for two whole days now but today is tough and I want to slip. I want to eat a cake and buy things I can’t afford.

It’s not bad enough that I’ve lost so many people, not to mention all my hopes and dreams, but then I come home from work to find that my ex-husband has taken a bunch of stuff, including the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings Blu rays. I know it seems crazy to be upset over material things but it’s infuriating. Yes, they were gifts from me to him but seriously, how about the nine years of my life where I gave everything, including awesome gifts? I don’t get my near decade back so why should he get the movies?  I at least deserve to get to keep the friggin’ classics.  How about instead of swooping back in and messing up my life even further you leave me and my DVD collection in peace?

He’s lucky he didn’t touch the Harry Potter DVDs because I would be busting out a wand and throwing some curses at his stupid, muggle-self.

Don’t worry. Mindful Therapy Yoga helped me calm down so the only aftermath was eating four rolls with dinner. In hindsight it seems excessive but I know it could have been worse… a lot worse.

Changing Names

Getting divorced is a pain. I thought it was a grand idea to change my name when I got married so my kids and I would have the same last name. Clearly, not necessary. And then it was a pain changing my name back. Driver’s license, social security card, human resources, bank accounts and a hundred little things. I’m still not done. And I don’t even want to explain the drama it caused with my work email. I’m just a can of processed meat now that I changed my last name from a common spelling to something weird.

So while I’m changing names and getting back to blogging, I decided to change the name of the blog. Long ago, I named it Ink On Paper, because it was a blog about writing. Now, it’s a blog about new beginnings, getting it together and writing, so a new name seemed appropriate. And for this name change I don’t have to stand in an hour long line or bring three forms of identification.

I’m a person obsessed with music. I’m always listening to music that fits my mood and when I used to write fiction I would make playlists for my characters. What’s my mood right, now? I want a great career, financial stability and to get my butt moving (literally and figuratively) so what song has been stuck in my head?  

Britney Spears’ Work B!#@h is one. I’m not usually a big fan of pop music but I love to dance and work out to it. It’s a catchy song and Britney has managed to come back after some of the craziest breakdowns. She bounced back from shaving her head and hitting a car with an umbrella so I can bounce back from barfing on my co-workers feet. If she’s okay, maybe I’ll be okay. But if I want to achieve my full awesomeness potential I’m going to need to work. Thus, my new blog title and temporary life motto, “You Better Work.”  

Also, “you better work” is pretty much what I say to my Wi-Fi three times an hour. And I’m going to need it to function if I’m going to be sharing all my great stories with the world. So really it fits for a lot of reasons.

Now get to work.

The Return of the Writer

It’s been four years since I last wrote here. It’s crazy to me because for years I wrote here every single day. Yet, nine years ago, I started a relationship and put that above all else, including the thing that got me through the first 24 years of my life, writing.

I’ve spent the last five years married and with plans to start a family. But life throws you curve balls and things change. Now I’ve been divorced for two months and the first months were not good. They were lonely and I was a mess. I started thinking about the pilot episode of The Mindy Project and I realized I was the figurative drunk girl in the pool talking to a Barbie. Upon reflection, there was way too much in that episode that hit home. Yikes.

I need to get my s#!t together. So here I am. I’m back.

I’m making a list of all the things I want and it’s starting right now. I’m focusing on my dogs, my career, my health and being the person I know I am, but forgot about along the way.  And I’m going to write about it because I need to and I want to. And I feel publication of my journey that will be read by a whole two or three people will help hold me accountable.

The first step is getting right back here to my old love, that I used to spend all my time with; late nights, rainy days and much too early mornings. I’m glad to be back.

The Mindy Project Season 1 Episode 1

Tweeting?

I bought the new 2013 Writer's Market this weekend. I am hoping to finally make some edits to my humorous, kind-of-sort-of sci-fi story, that I have tentatively titled Hey Man. After browsing through, I realized it might not be as easy to find a market for as I originally thought, and originally I thought it would be pretty difficult.

In the front section of the Writer's Market there is some helpful advice to writers; one item being that I should have a goal of posting to a blog once a week, which inspired this post but we will see how long that last. It also suggested that I should be Tweeting and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet, although I did just get an iPhone and it's practically begging me to be on Twitter...kind of.
It's not that I think the people on Twitter don't post about important things. There are ups and downs to content on any form of media. My issue is that I'm just not sure I'm ready to be limited on how many characters I can use to say what I need to say. Although, I could consider it a challenge. It's not about how many words you use but what you say. A story can be told in only a few words.

 "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." -Ernest Hemingway

The Ideal Reader

Recently I posted that there was a list of projects that I am currently working on. The first project I mentioned was to start/continue another novel.

A few years ago I started a literary novel that was going to be about a passive young women struggling to find self-confidence as she starts a new relationship.

I’ve written some literary short stories before and the last novel that I wrote was also literary.

Of the three fiction works I have gotten published, Double Take, Sweaty Palms and Faith In the Moonlight, none of these were literary but a good chunk of my work is. That said a lot to me. Maybe I’m not all that good at writing literary fiction. Or maybe publishers just aren’t interested.

On top of that I started to realize that all of my work was depressing. It makes sense because I had written most of it at a time when I was really down. The problem is that I don’t feel that way anymore. I have changed and so has the audience I write for.

In his book, On Writing, Stephen King talks about having an “Ideal Reader.” It’s the one person that you try to please when writing your story, because you will never be able to please everyone.

I think I used to write to please myself. I wrote a lot of emotional and joyless stories so that I could sort out my life and how I was feeling.

Over the past year or so I felt differently. I’ve been writing with someone else in mind.

I still write for me. Writing is still fun and therapeutic. When I finish something the sense of accomplishment is amazing.  I am still conveying the messages that I want to say and telling the story that I want to tell but when I write, I want to write it in a way that will make my Ideal Reader enjoy the story.

A literary story just isn’t the way. So I’m restarting. I can still use the stuff I’ve written but I am now adding an element to the story that will take it from literary to mystery.

Maybe I will never win the Nobel Prize in Literature with this story, but there was slim chance of that anyway. At least this way I write something that someone else will hopefully enjoy reading, even if it is just one person. 

I'm Going Back

First off, this is my 500th blog post! I would post a look back on my blog over the past years but that can be done in a few sentences rather than a whole post. The last 500 posts have been about the many failures and few triumphs of my writing and how the good and bad events in my life  inspired and hindered my work.

That about sums it up. Now on to current news. I am out of my mind. I have gone back to school. It's been a goal of my for the last five years but I have continuously put it off for one reason or another until now.

I am really excited. I love school and always have. I would take at least one class every semester for the rest of my life if I could. I love learning new things. Some things I like more than others. (Sorry math and science but you are at the bottom of that list). And yes, there are times when I will complain about certain assignments, teachers or work loads but overall I enjoy school.

One of my biggest regrets in life is not starting college right after high school and not working harder at staying in school but in the end I cannot dwell on these things. They have made me who I am and I cannot change it. All I can do is go forward.

Wish me luck!

Currently Reading: The Chronicles of Narnia

The Projects

A few posts back, I mentioned that it was my hope to get back to writing more. And I have been successful. I actually have a few projects going on right now. I’m starting/continuing a new novel. By that, I mean I am taking an old idea and making it new. And I have plans to work on a nearly finished novel. Plus an attempt to dabble in the art of non-fiction for a short, work related project.
Also, I have this 30 before 30 list that was inspired but Jenni. I know it’s several YEARS before I turn 30 but I figured I would start early. (Okay, several months L.) Anyway, enough pouting about getting old, three of the items on this list have to do with writing. Not to mention that I am keeping track of my 30/30 list by writing my goals and accomplishments in my journal. And maybe a few updates on the blog.

Aside from projects, I have a couple of small goals, the first being to blog more. The second, being to actually post reviews on goodreads.com rather than just give a star rating.

I’ve actually found time to work on these thanks to two things. One, I found a nice park near work where I can walk to on lunch, sit down and write. The second is that my husband is working an extra job this summer so he is now gone more. Instead of spending my time hanging out with him I have been writing. What will happen when the weather cools and I can no longer walk to my park and my husband goes back to one job? We shall see. Until then, I am writing!

 Currently reading:- Odd Apocalypse by Dean Koontz

About to watch- Grimm

Three's company too!

How is it that I stock piled pre-written blog posts and still managed not to post for over a week? There's a simple explanation. We got another dog!
That makes three. And most people have been very happy for us. A few have been worried that they will become a pack and start ripping each others' throats out. So far all the young two have done is wrestle and play non-stop while the older one naps, which seems to make everyone happy. Things may change but only time will tell.  All I know is that while we weren't looking for another dog, I am very happy that we rescued our new dog. After five months in a shelter he deserved a good home and we have a lot of space and love to share.

While I haven't gotten much writing done, I have done some reading. I finished The Help, which was a really good book. I'm looking forward to renting the movie. Also, I read a YA book called I Hunt Killers. It was  a good read as well. I posted a review of it on my goodreads.com page.

In other news, tomorrow, I am planning on meeting with some other creative people in the area and discussing ideas. It's the groups first meeting and should be a productive experience. I'll try to post about how it goes.

Measure Your Life In Love

Yesterday, my husband's grandfather passed away. While I did have the privilege of spending time with him, I didn't know him really well but I look at Facebook and see all of his kids and grandchildren changing their profile pictures, followed by comments from many people. It's easy to see he was a good man who is loved.

It is hard to watch my husband hurt and not be able to do anything for him. That makes my heart hurt.

My mind is filled with thoughts about loss, love and life

I don't know a lot about my husband's grandfather but I know he bought a copy of Tuesdays With Morrie for my mother-in-law. She let me borrow it and when I read it there was a note stuck in it from her father. It was an nice letter. He talked about how things were going with them and said that he hoped she enjoyed the book because he did.
I can see why he enjoyed it and I think it's beautiful that he wanted to share it with his family. That gesture alone says a lot about the kind of man he was.
Tuesdays with Morrie is a book about love and life. If you haven't read it, you should. 

The Library and the movies; my kind of day.

I didn't mention this in my last post because it didn't seem to fit but, wow, blogger has really changed. If I accidentally repost or delete or do something weird it's because I am adjusting to the new changes. Although, so far everything seems similar to my gmail account.

I have today off since I worked Saturday. I was going to finish painting my kitchen, but instead I went shopping. I also went to the library and checked out  The Help and a new YA book that caught my eye called I Hunt Killers. I've never heard of it before but the title sounded interesting and once I read the jacket I thought I would give it a try. The tag line said something like "What do you do when the world's most notorious serial killer... is your father?"

Anyway, hopefully both books will make for some good reading.

I suppose I could paint tonight but it's cheap movie day and I have yet to see the new Spider-man. Not sure how I feel about them redoing Spider-man so soon. We shall see.

Also, I just finished reading the third book in the Millenium series, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest.  I didn't like it quite as much as the first two, The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played with Fire, but it was still a pretty good book. I put up a slighlty more detailed review at Goodreads.com 

Write?

Not so long ago, I used to write things. No, I’m not talking about facebook status updates that let my “friends” know that I made some awesome homemade chicken fingers in my new deep fryer. I mean I used to write novels, short stories, articles and blogs. I used to blog all the time about what I was thinking, writing, reading, watching, doing. I wrote about things I loved and causes that I cared about.

And over the last five years the amount that I write has steadily declined. I went from novels to grocery lists.

Yes, a lot has changed since then. I am no longer the single girl that is dealing with a lot of major situations that all seem to collide into each other at the same time. I am not alone anymore. Many of my struggles have passed. I am genuinely happy.

Five years ago it seemed like anvils kept falling down on my head driving me further and further into a hole.

Now I feel like my life has flipped upside down. I have gained so much and it feels like now there are so many hands reaching out to me and pulling me up out of that hole.

Instead of bad things piling up, good things are happening. Yes, there are bad things too but they are a lot easier to deal with when there is good in there as well. The abundance of amazing people that have come in to my life is amazing and the bonds with the people that were there before have strengthened greatly.

But I’m not blaming happiness on the reason that I don’t write nearly as much anymore. The blame falls to me. I have not made it a priority. I made building my relationships, establishing a home, and enjoying life a priority. It’s what I needed.

Now those things are feeling pretty solid. They don’t seem to need as much work as they once used to. Right now I find myself with a lot of time on my hands. I know eventually that will change but until then I hope to get back to writing a little more. 

A Rally of Writers 2012

Life has been hectic lately. I've got a lot going on at work and the house buying process continues, but yesterday I finally got some time for me and I went to A Rally of Writers.

I had been to the conference once before, about 6 years ago, when I was much more diligent about writing. I really liked it but I just hadn't found my way back since. This year my writing group decided to go and we went as a team.
It was nice to have people that I knew there, especially because I get anxiety in big social settings. The other good part about having them there was that we were able to reflect on how what we had learned and how it applied to each other's work.

It was a really great conference. We went to sessions on how to submit your writing, the revolution of eBooks, magic realism and avoiding cliches. The sessions were great. I learned a lot of helpful hings on what to send to editors and how to turn cliches upside.

And, yes, I am one of those people that didn't really like the eBook until I found out that more people are reading now than ever because it's easier, which means more books are selling and authors are making more. So even though I will continue to buy real books, I will stop bashing the eReader.

Overall it was a really good conference. Our writing group is going to try to make it a yearly thing and I encourage anyone near the Greater Lansing area that is interested in writing to give it a try.

Completing

Writing group did not meet last week but I was able to send Hey Man to another writing friend for some feedback. I'm trying to decide if I should jump right back into editing or give it a week or so while I work on something else. I have so many writing projects I would like to start I do not even know where to begin.

There are a few small memoir type things that I would like to write while they are still fresh in my mind. I've been very neglectful of my journal the last few years and I feel like this is kind of a way to catch up. And while I may not be writing them with the intent to publish, that's okay. My current objective is to get back in to a regular writing routine and to get some practice. I have been out of the game for a while and need to work the kinks out. I'll probably work on those for the next few days and evaluate from there.

In other news, I finally finished A Dance with Dragons. My sister-in-law suggested the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin a few years back and I finally started reading it a while ago. Of course, thanks to a sub par librarian, I started by reading the third book, A Storm of Swords. I thought the writer referred to a lot more past events than is usual for a first book in a series, but I caught on pretty quick.

Of course, had I been smart enough to glance at the first pages before the story started I could have avoided this but I didn't. Eventually, I figured out my mistake and I went back to the beginning. I've been reading all the way through since. Now, I have finished the fifth. I am eager to read what comes next but I have been warned by long time fans that I will probably be waiting...for about five years.

This will drive me mad. When it comes to reading I am a completest. I have to finish things. Even if I completely dislike them. Yes, I finished the entire Twilight series just because I couldn't not know how it ended.

So I'm hoping, but not counting on, the success of the HBO series to motivate Mr. Martin to produce this one a little faster. Until then..

Just finished reading: A Dance with Dragons-George R.R.Martin

Currently listening to: Dancing Days-Led Zepplin

Recently watched: Friends With Benefits

Finally finished.

I finally finished 'Hey Man' after working on it little by little for over a year. Writing group is suppose to meet tomorrow so ideally, I will get some final feed back on it and then start editing.

In other news, our house hunt has resumed. Last year our house search lasted 5 months, with 2 agents, 4 offers, viewing 16 houses and still no house.

Today we started with another agent. We went to view 3 houses and couldn't get into 2 of them. The 3rd house we didn't really love. So the search continues.

Also, I tried to buy tickets to see Elton John and they had sold out within 2o minutes. Bummer.

So to sum up my day so far. Story finishing=good. House hunting=okay. Ticket buying=bad.

Now off to clean the house and hopefully go to dinner with my husband for an early Valentine's Day celebration.

Until next time!

How long?

My writing group finally got together. It's the first time since November. The month of December always seems near impossible to meet, particularly this year when both Christmas and New Year's fell on Sunday.

While our meetings have been somewhat less frequent the last few years, I am thankful for writing group. It is really the only thing that has kept me writing. Of course, once again I put my work off to the last minute. However, today I thought I might actually finish the story that I started working on about a year ago.

It's a comedy, that was suppose to be sci-fi and still kind of is, but not really. And the best title I have come up with for it so far is Hey Man. Can you tell the creative juices have definitely been flowing?

Well, the more I wrote the more I dug myself into a whole and couldn't figure out how to end it. Then last week, knowing that writing group was fast approaching, I started working on it on my lunch. But then I came up with an even better conclusion. Unfortunately, this idea needed research so it would have to wait.

I should have went to work on it right away but first I had to go to the circus with my niece, which was awful due to a poorly planned seating arrangement that I could complain about for hours but won't. Then my husband and I were off to our aunt's 50th birthday party.

So I woke up this morning and researched, then started cranking it out. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough time before writing group. They only received half a scene and I have still yet to finish my story. Hopefully, I actually finish it before the morning of our next meeting.

Missed.

I don't want to say that I've made a new year's resolution. For one thing, I'm two weeks late. For another, I never seem to follow through with them.

What I can say is that I have finally gotten around to updating this thing and I feel like total crud about the fact that it's been half a year.

I have missed so many amazing opportunities to write about. The coolest being that I had a short story called Faith In Moonlight published in Conceit Magazine back in July. Yes! I missed telling everybody that. I love that story and I was so pumped about it but I let it slip by. I am so mad at myself for that.

There has also been the ups and downs of life. A new marriage, a dog that passed away, a new job, a search for a new house, a new puppy. And the list goes on.

But I've really missed writing. I think about it all the time. And I always think I should start writing again. Then I say I will start the next day and I don't. Until 6 months has passed by and I haven't written a post. I've been working on the same short story for a year. I've continued to meet with my writing group but monthly meetings have turned into more like bimonthly meetings, if that. And I have tracked my life events in the same ways I always have but even my journal entries and emails to Jenni are fewer than they used to be.

I got sidetracked by life, I guess. And I'm happy now. When my life was miserable, I cranked out the writing without hesitation.

Anyway, 2012 has started well. We continue our search for a new house and head toward completing our first year of marriage. We enjoy our dogs but struggle with the challenges of a puppy and an old dog. I continue to try to find a career that I love and can actually get paid for. So life continues and I will try to write about it more.

Back to normal?

Well, life is settling down it seems. The thank you notes are out. We've gotten our pictures back and I almost have the entire table cleared of wedding presents/stuff. And now I come home and try to remember what it was that use to keep me busy before I was crazy making lists, planning details, tying bows, taking counts, contacting vendors. And I remember things like writing stories and selling books. I'm trying to get back in the habit of that.

Our writing group met for the first time since March. We kept postponing, mostly due to me having a million things to do every Sunday. But we finally met. For a while I thought we might be at our end. And if was good to talk about something other than the wedding for a change.

So life gets back to normal, kind of. There is still that huge absence around and that will never get back to normal. Everytime I walk up the stairs I move to one side and wait to hear Kreeg speeding past me, but he doesn't. Every morning I get up and think that I will see him sitting in the sun light that is streaming through the window but he isn't there. I rub Gretchen's ears, waiting for her to moo like a cow like Kreeg use to, but she doesn't. I look outside thinking he will be there laying in a hole he just dug, enjoying the cool dirt on his stomach, tongue hanging out, occasionally glancing up at the sky, trying to figure out where the breeze is coming from. I walk upstairs every night, thinking that I will have to spend ten minutes trying to get him off the bed but the bed is empty.
Ed and I go for walks and it just feels weird because only one of us has a leash to hold. I have no idea what to do with my hands. We walk by the lawn with the high grass and we pause but Kreeg is not there to stop, drop and roll around in the grass.
I sit down at my desk to write and I look next to me. He is not by my side. My heart hurts.

Love, loss and life.

Three months! Yikes! Well, a lot has happened in 3 months. Actually, a lot has happened in 2 weeks.
First, I got married! The wedding was absolutely amazing! I had such a great time getting to see all the people that I love and share such a joyous occasion. It was wonderful. My only regret was that it flew by. People kept telling me it would go by so fast and they were not lying. Months of work and it was over in a flash. But the end result is what matters. I am married to amazing guy and we are really happy!

Right after the wedding we went on a honeymoon to northern Michigan. We stayed in St. Ignace and spent time at Tahquemanon Falls and Mackinac Island. It was a great trip and definitely a great way to unwind after all the stress of planning the wedding.

When we got home the happiness was put on hold. Kreeg, our beloved dog and best friend, had been diagnosed with cancer about three months before and had finally taken a turn for the worst. He couldn't stand. He wasn't eating. His body was shutting down. So on our 1 week wedding anniversary we put our little guy to sleep.
We live in the city so we drove him out to my husband's parent's house, which is where we were married the week before. And we buried him not far from where we had said our vows.
When we first found out about the cancer they didn't think he had more than a couple of weeks, but he lasted a lot longer, and we were really grateful for that. Did he wait for the wedding and for us to come back from the honeymoon? Some may think it was only coincidence, but I think differently. It was just the awesome dog that he was.

And now we are back to the everyday events of life. We are still trying to catch up on all the cleaning and laundry that has been put off for the last few weeks. And there are thank yous to be done. Things have started settling down and I hope they stay that way. At least for a little while.

Change of plans

2 months since I posted. Wow, I've really fallen off the wagon. I was at my doctor's office a few days ago and she was talking to me about how around every 29 years or so are life changes. It doesn't just happen over night, it takes years but we develop into a new person. And it seems true because right now I am developing my life into something new.
I have been making a lot of plans for my future and writing is still in them. I keep putting writing on the back burner but I know in my heart that is not where it needs to be. Things do not happen according to plan and I can't keep thinking that I can put things off. There is no day but today.
I had been so focused on my making the perfect plans for my wedding, my finances, for buying a house and for starting a family, that I completely lost sight of everything I have right now.
And yesterday my perfect plans were thrown out the door. Kreeg,my beloved dog/best friend/son, may not be around to be our ring bearer, he will most likely not be around to enjoy the back yard when we buy a house and he will not be around to play with our children.
Now I feel like I need to write something really amazing, because it will be the last thing I write with Kreeg lying at my feet while I write it.

Books read in 2010

American Gods-Neil Gaiman
Tuesdays With Morrie-Mitch Albom
A Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genius-Brian Eggers
Wicked Lovely-Melissa Marr
Heat Wave-Ricahrd Castle
Queen of the Damned-Anne Rice
Ink Exchange-Melissa Mar
Fragile Eternity-Melissa Mar
The Five People You Meet In Heaven-Mitch Albom
Dune- Frank Hurbert
Nineteen Minutes-Jodi Piccoult
The Blind Side-Michael Lewis
Chances-Jim Butcher
In Cold Blood-Truman Capote
The Wizard Of Oz-L. Frank Baum
Firestarter- Stephen King
The Road-Cormac McCarthy
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings-Maya Angelou
The Shining-Stephen King
French Women Don't Get Fat-Mireille Guialiano
One On One-Tabitha King
All The Pretty Horses-Cormac McCarthy
Budget Wedding For Dummies-Meg Schneider
Bridal Boot Camp- Cynthia Conde
Mean Streats-Various Authors
The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights-John Steinbeck
Total Money Makeover-Dave Ramsey
Naked Heat-Richard Castle
Lost Symbol- Dan Brown
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows-J.K. Rowling
To Kill A Mockingbird-Harper Lee

2011

If everything goes according to plan 2011 should be an awesome year. I will be getting married and I will be getting a story published in CONCEIT MAGAZINE.

I've been thinking a lot about my future and what I hope for. I won't make any promises or resolutions this year. I do hope to write more and to blog more.
I know the blogging universe is slowly fading. There aren't many people still reading and writing in the blogverse but I still like to blog even if it's just for myself. I haven't kept up on it lately because this blog is about my writing and I haven't written much in a while.

Also, I felt like last year my writing group met less and I had less communication with fellow writers I had worked and talked with. But again, I didn't do much writing so it's just as much my fault as anyone's.

I guess I will see how 2011 goes.

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Out of work early and about to start on all the cooking and cleaning, then enjoying the holidays.

I've got the holiday tunes cranked up and am relishing the last days of non-stop Christmas music on the stations. There are so many fun songs and beautiful songs. I won't lie, there are also a few annoying ones.
My favorite Christmas song is Merry Little Christmas, originally performed by Judy Garland in Meet Me in St. Louis. That song has actually been through a lot of rewrites. However, the one she performed was not the original lyrics. They were a bit depressing so they had to be changed. Then, Frank Sinatra wanted to preform it and he still thought some of the lyrics were depressing so once again they were changed.
Ah, the process of writing a classic and just another example of how a piece of work is never perfect, never finished and can never please everyone.

I have always preferred the Judy Garland version. Yes, Christmas is a happy time but there is just a little bit of sadness in even the happiest of holidays as I look back and think of the ones I used to share them with that are no longer here.

"Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow. Until then we'll just have to muddle through somehow."

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

The Storm

I cannot believe that I have not posted since Halloween! Oh, wait. I guess I can. It has been so crazy. Aside from working my regular job, I got a second holiday job. Also, I happened across 300 books that I needed to list on half.com, plus ship them once they sell. I have a wedding to plan. Oh and then there's the holidays. I think we are all aware of the work and enjoyment that goes into those such as shopping, wrapping, concerts, dinners, cooking, baking, decorating and Waffle Ugly Sweater Parties.
So needless to say blogging has been on my list but has yet to make it to the top. And I really shouldn't have had time to do it today. The plan was to be shopping and then writing group. But Michigan doesn't always allow such things. A snow storm has me stuck in the house.

I'm bummed to miss writing group but not everyone had work or new work and risking your life for writing group isn't really a great idea. But I will be happy to get back to it soon.
Last month I didn't take anything to writing group. This month I was going to take a story I wrote and rewrote long ago, but with the weather and the holidays we have postponed until next month.
I really had wanted to take the first half of my comedy/sci-fi story that I've been working on for almost a year now. (Slow and steady!) But I didn't get time to type it up. One of the few down falls of writing long hand. I guess now I will have time to type it and take it next month.

My second job is almost done and so are the holidays. Lets hope I have a little more free time in the near future.
In case I don't make it back in time... Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Happy Halloween!

It's Halloween, also known as NaNoWriMo Eve. I'm pretty sure I'm not a logical person. I currently have two jobs and will spend the first three days of NaNoWriMo in Indianapolis, also known as away from my home, my family and my computer.
The first two I will miss a lot. The third one I can do without but it will make starting NaNoWriMo tricky and any hope of doing NaBloPoMo impossible. That's okay I wasn't really planning on the NaBloPoMo and as I mentioned before I'm not going into NaNoWriMo with the expectation that I will actually do 50,000 words but my hope is to get a really good start and to write more than I have been.
I really do wish that NaNoWriMo was in February or March. There is so much going on October-December that it's just not a good place for me. Maybe I'll do a NaNoWriMo in January. A while back I wrote a post about other months devoted to creative things. January would be after all the holidays and second jobs but before the wedding plans start getting into super serious mode.
Until then, despite all the madness, I will participate in NaNoWriMo and who knows, I might surprise myself.

Good luck to all those participating!